She's Gone. Is The Door Forever Locked?

The loss of a child catapults a parent into a dark sorrowful place. It is touted as the darkest loss of all. The journey through this darkeness occurs in small steps. Each parent, though unable to bring their child back, will be presented with choices along this road. As time progresses those choices will become more and more evident. -Marsha Abbott

I have been blessed with great joys. Through the birth of my two daughters I have had glimpses of heaven. I can attest to the life altering experience that birth bestows upon parent. The unalterable change in becoming, ‘less about you’ and more about something ‘much bigger’ than you. Some people call it growing up. Unlike most parents I also understand the raw and helpless despair of receiving a phone call that your daughter has been killed.

I am her mother. The tears I shed are for my aching loss and the loss for her father and sister. The loss of a future with her. As I kneel in church on Sunday my thoughts often spin. I am reminded that on a spiritual level my daughter still lives. Her soul and spirit will never die.

I feel her spirit, her presence and her love each day. There are no more daily phone calls from her, asking for recipe ideas, telling me about funny things that happened in the bakery where she was working, telling me stories about her new puppy, telling me she missed me, and asking about her dad and sister. Now I make the phone calls to her through meditation and prayer.

I am greatly challenged between the spiritual side of me, who recognizes that my daughter will always surround me and the ‘mama’ side,….who lost her sweet daughter and cannot fix it. Can grief be paralyzing? Yes. Sometimes it burns in my chest and screams to me “Your child has been ripped from your womb”. Such a unfixable gut wrenching vacancy. Memories of that little toddler with curly blonde hair, big blue eyes, a sippy cup and band aids on her knees flood my thoughts and flow through my tear ducts.

Often, I can feel her reaching out to me. I’ve become sensitive to signs that she is in my midst. I think about what she would want if she saw us grieving and horribly lost without her. I know she would want to comfort those who miss her so dearly. She would want her sister to know that she is okay and that her parents will be okay. She would want all of us to speak of her, share memories, be comforted, and seek happiness. I believe that when a child dies, a part of you dies too. We must redefine our lives and accept that our child has gone ahead of us in the wrong order. We were suppose to go first.

I believe that God represents the light and love of the world. He loves us enough to send our spirit into this world through the physical body to learn and to give others an opportunity to grow through our relationships with one another. We are here for a purpose. She was here for a purpose. Sometimes our purpose can be to assist others on their journey. When we return to the spiritual realm, we leave the physical body behind and continue to grow in love. We will meet again in the spiritual realm of the positive energy we call Heaven. This is what consoles my heart, and it is the reason I can give thanks and celebrate my earthly blessings; namely my family.

There is much more to our existence than this 3-dimensional earthly world. Many are believers and ‘some’ of us, through an unthinkable tragedy, are forced to accept that our worst fear has come true. Along with this ‘realization’ is the opportunity to further investigate the spiritual doors which may have been locked up until now. A large ring of keys has been given to those who have lost a child. The task lies ahead.


Marsha lost her 19 year old daughter in a gun accident, Sept '09. She maintains a Facebook wall titled A New Journey, for grieving parents. She also writes a blog titled, Bereavement For Breakfast. http://bereavement4breakfast.blogspot.com/

Joy? What Joy? My three letter word is WHY?

Is is possible to find joy after the death of a child? Kathleen O'Hara writes about that 3-letter word in her book, A Grief Like No Other.

Joy is an elusive quality, one everyone seems to want but few people have. Often, joy comes only after the struggle, not before. It is not something you can buy or borrow, but rather something that comes directly out of pain and sorrow.

Joy is the sister of hope. Joy follows the long labor of childbirth; it is springtime after the harsh winter and eternity after the brief breath of life.

For those who have survived the death of a child, the jackals indeed roam. Our lives are desolate and our hearts are sick. How can we be joyful when such awful things have happened to us and those we love?

An even greater tragedy would be to allow the loss to keep us from joy; then truly, it has destroyed us. Even if you do not feel joy now, believe that, in the future it will come, but you must allow it.
-Written by Kathleen O'Hara

Blogger's note: This passage is a hard one to swallow after such devestating loss. It haunts me because there is a part of my heart and soul that says, "Life has been irreparably altered. I can't fix this by skipping around like a school girl searching for 'joy' and all of her cheery friends." True. It is unfixable and I'm not looking for a bandaid. For me, the deeper meaning relates to the choices I make. Each and every day I can choose to look at what my daughter would want for me to do and open myself up to little pieces of joy or I can turn my back on what she would want and live in the darkness that so willingly befriended me. My choice is to be 'open' to the possibility. I think that is good enough for now.
-Marsha

THAT'S Something To Think About!

‎"Larger numbers of people are becoming increasingly compassionate and 'other-centered', even as society remains self-absorbed and materialistic. It seems that the design of the universe is such that we are evolving toward spiritual maturity, not toward physical prowess and intellectual self-centeredness that dominates through devious cleverness. We are evolving in a way that would make Darwin rollover in his grave if he was there. But, he's not." -Craig Hogan

2005 Study Shows 76% of Physicians Believe In An Afterlife

Doctors and hospice workers spend inordinate amounts of time with children and adults who pass. Many have shared their extraordinary experiences with death. Additionally, much research has been done on near-death-experiences as well as the ability of certain individuals to communicate with those who've crossed from this plane to the next.

In 2005 a survey of physicians found that 76 percent believe in God and 59 percent believe in some sort of afterlife. (footnote 1) Interestingly, among members of the National Academy of Sciences in the physical sciences, most of whom work with only matter and energy (not people, life, and death), 79 percent do not believe in God( footnote 2). That discrepancy between the beliefs of professionals who work with people, life, and death, and those who work with matter and energy only only suggests that a reason for skepticism among some of the herd of skeptics is simply from not being exposed to the realities of life after death.

Some striking examples of physicians whose experiences and research have confirmed the reality of the afterlife follow:


1. Dr. Janis Amatuzio- a practitioner in forensic medicine for nearly 25 years, has come to be known as the 'compassionate coroner'. In her work, she has heard extraordinary stories from grieving family member, patients near death, police officers, clergy, and colleagues - stories of the spiritual and otherworldly experiences concerning the transition between life and death.

2. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross- An internationally renowned physician, author, speaker, and expert on death and dying, receiving 20 honorary degrees for her achievements. She was included in the International Biographical Centre's list of the foremost women of the twentieth century. She said,"Many people are beginning to be aware that the physical body is only the house or temple, or as we call it the cocoon, which we inhabit for a certain number of months or years until we make the transition called death. Then, at the time of death, we shed this cocoon and are once again as free as a butterfly to used the symbolic language that we use when talking to dying children and their siblings.

3. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, - A physician turned writer. Most remembered as the Creator of Sherlock Holmes stories. He became a strong believer of the afterlife in 1886.

4. Dr. Enrico Morselli - Italian neurologist, Director of the Clinic of Nervous and Mental Disease at the University of Genoa began an investigation of the afterlife and became a believer.

5. Dr. Gustave Geley - Professor of medicine at the University of Lyon, studied evidence for the afterlife and gave up his practice to become the director of the Institute Metaphysichique International in Paris.

6. Dr. T.Glen Hamilton - A graduate of Manitoba Medical College, Hamilton had a private medical practice while teaching clinical surgery at Winnepeg General Hospital. He became interested in psychic phenomena after experiences with patients and conducted extensive studies on Canadian mediums.

7. Dr. Barbara R. Rommer - A founding member of the Hold Cross Medical Group in For Lauderdale, Rommer practiced medicine from 1974 until her death in 2004. She was a researcher of near-death experiences, authoring two books on the subject, including Blessing in Disguise, published in 2000.

8. Dr. Robert Bridges - a physician who became poet laureate of England, wrote, "Man is a spiritual being; the proper work of his mind is to interpret the world according to his highest nature, to conquer the material aspects of the world so as to bring them into subjugation to the spirit."

Distinguished Scientists Who Became Convinced Of The Reality Of The Afterlife Through Study:

Ron D. Pearson (engineer thermodynamics), Dr. Jan Vandersande (physicist, holder of three patents on thermoelectric and fluid mechanics, consultant to NASA, manager at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Thomas Alva Edison, (inventor of the phonograph and electric light bulb...was a spiritualist, Sir Joseph John Thompson (discover of the electron, professor of experimental physics at Cambridge, winner of a Nobel Prize), Professor Abdus Salam (Nobel Laureate and director of the International Centre for Theoretical Physics), Sam Nicholls (researcher into subatomic phenomena...believes that people in the afterlife are composed of slightly different atomic components, and that they exist in and share the same space with people on the Earth plane).

Those represent a partial list of Scientists who believe in the reality of an afterlife. For more information read, Your Eternal Self, by Craig Hogan. His book gives an in depth look at life after death. A 'study' of the mind, the spirit, and everlasting life. For those who want to study.

*Shared by Marsha Flynn Abbott/ A New Journey (facebook). The interview (link) of author Arthur Doyle particularly struck me. I was impressed at the historical time in which that interview took place. A time when motion pictures and home movies were so new. His collection of Sherlock Holmes stories has always been so much fun to read. (Cheers to you...dear Watson)

(1) Easton, J. C.. Survey on physicians' religious beliefs shows majority faithful. The University of Chicago Chronicle.
(2)Larson, e.J., & Witham, L. (1998) Nature, 394,313

Feeling Slammed by God and the Universe?

-Article by Barbara Rose regarding searching for solace in the midst of catastrophe.

As you look around you, perhaps you are one of the people who feel you have been slammed by the universe. Some may feel as I used to - God? What God? How could any God let this happen?

Your pleas and feelings are understandable, but they are not, however, the end of your journey. You will come to know how to achieve solace again, some measure of understanding to ease the torturous pain.

I have been there, too. When injustice felt like a perpetual life in purgatory every day. How did I come out of the shackles of the deepest despair? I wanted to know truth. I wanted to know "why" and I wrote a letter directly to God asking "Why?"

Much to my amazement, I received an answer that immediately lifted the pain. The crushing sorrow that I had come to call my daily existence was suddenly lifted. I received the higher perspective that took the place of how I was viewing the tragedy in my life.

I want this for you, too. If you are feeling shell shocked, as if your heart and soul have been blasted apart and ripped out of your chest, this is the best time to write a letter to whoever or whatever name you give to the must pure spiritual source in the universe - the source of that 'still small voice.' I call that God, and it is crucial that you get in touch with the highest spiritual truths that are behind desperate tragedy so you can come back to life and live again.

I know what it feels like to feel like a breathing corpse. I can promise you that all that is required for you to receive answers that will bring you solace is your deep desire to receive those answers.

Your request for knowledge and understanding must come from the deepest place in your heart.

Humanity cries for the loss of life, and yet what many have not fully integrated into daily knowledge is that when a person leaves this physical life, and crosses over to the other side, they are vibrantly ALIVE again!

If your loved on is on the other side, call out to him! Speak to her. Our loved ones can hear us, they actually visit us, even though we cannot physically see them because they are no longer in a physical body, but their soul, their essence, their consciousness and ALL of the love they feel for you is just as alive as you are right now.

From lifetime to lifetime we experience despair. We do not remember all we have undergone in our prior lifetimes. We do not remember learning so many lessons. This is the lifetime to bridge the gap between human catastrophe and spiritual truth.

Nothing happens in this universe that is void of energy. It is the loving energy in your heart that desires understanding that will receive exactly what you need, you just have to be willing to do so.

Receiving answers from God is far from any sort of special ability. You have been receiving answers throughout all of your life. The inner nudges that guide you to do this or that, to call or write, only for the other person to say, "I was just thinking about you!"

Our energy is felt by our loved ones no matter how near or far away they are. Whether they are on the opposite end of the earth or on the other side, our loved ones love for us remains eternal.

Take out a pen and paper and write Dear ____ (whatever name you give to God, Source, Holy Spirit) and ask from the depths of your heart what you need to know in order to feel your deepest grief lifted.

I have worked with clients whose children passed on. Understandably, they were barely alive themselves. Filled with pain that was torturous at best, they received answers, and they came back to life from the inside out.

If this process did not work, if it was not the time for you to experience this process, you would not be reading this right now. It is time for you to receive answers to your questions. Now, all you need to do is ask, and then listen within your mind to the words that flow into your mind, and write down every word verbatim. Censor nothing. Write down every word that flows into your mind. Then re-read what you wrote. When you experience actually receiving answers that are simple, yet profoundly life enhancing, please share this process with anyone who is suffering that is open to this.

It is pure. You deserve answers. Humanity must transform from the current catastrophic perspective. Those whose children have just crossed over to the other side, their children are ALIVE on the other side. Please let this view or perspective into your consciousness, because it is truth.

We all have so much more in common as a human race than our differences lead us to believe. Our hearts share the same feelings. It is time for your heart to finally know inner peace. Ask the questions with a pure heart. Listen within for the words that flow into your mind. Write down every word, then see how you feel after you have received the higher perspective. I care deeply that you feel understanding, as that is the conscious foundation of inner peace.

Barbara Rose, Ph.D. is the best selling author of thirteen books including If God Hears Me, I Want an Answer!

Resources for Grieving Parents: A New Journey (information on the left margin of blog)