Is is possible to find joy after the death of a child? Kathleen O'Hara writes about that 3-letter word in her book, A Grief Like No Other.
Joy is an elusive quality, one everyone seems to want but few people have. Often, joy comes only after the struggle, not before. It is not something you can buy or borrow, but rather something that comes directly out of pain and sorrow.
Joy is the sister of hope. Joy follows the long labor of childbirth; it is springtime after the harsh winter and eternity after the brief breath of life.
For those who have survived the death of a child, the jackals indeed roam. Our lives are desolate and our hearts are sick. How can we be joyful when such awful things have happened to us and those we love?
An even greater tragedy would be to allow the loss to keep us from joy; then truly, it has destroyed us. Even if you do not feel joy now, believe that, in the future it will come, but you must allow it.
-Written by Kathleen O'Hara
Blogger's note: This passage is a hard one to swallow after such devestating loss. It haunts me because there is a part of my heart and soul that says, "Life has been irreparably altered. I can't fix this by skipping around like a school girl searching for 'joy' and all of her cheery friends." True. It is unfixable and I'm not looking for a bandaid. For me, the deeper meaning relates to the choices I make. Each and every day I can choose to look at what my daughter would want for me to do and open myself up to little pieces of joy or I can turn my back on what she would want and live in the darkness that so willingly befriended me. My choice is to be 'open' to the possibility. I think that is good enough for now.
-Marsha
I really like your last line: "I think that is good enough for now."
ReplyDeleteIt makes me feel good to hear that others don't expect any sort of healing to occur with the snap of the fingers. Being open to finding joy is a huge step all by itself.
-Mary J.
I, too, remember a wonderful speaker we had at last year's Candle Lighting Ceremony that ended the ceremony wishing us all "enough" to get through the holidays. Oh, I'm so glad she didn't wish us peace and joy and happiness, but just enough. That is all of us need at any given moment is enough. I wish us all enough to make it through tomorrow.
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